...Try a dose of love. Everyone says that love, or whatever you want to
call it is supposed to be this amazing thing, but I must disagree.
Maybe it's just me. Maybe it's because I don't try. Honestly I just
don't try (ask Sean, Peter, Wes, Tyler, John and my ex, Brian, if you
don't believe me). Why? Well that's the thing, I don't know, meaning I
don't know
why I don't try and I don't know
how to
try...if that makes any sense...If I can ever figure that out, I might
not have the huge issue that I have now. Seeing as I can't change the
past, I guess I'll have to work on the present/future. Probably one of
the hardest things to deal with is a crush, try dealing with four of
them. Although that sounds like a lot of fun, and hell it does gives
you options, it's a bitch to deal with. How do you decide which guy you
like the most and how do you decide anything else?
Here's a
shout-out to you guys (if you ever find or read this): Jason, John,
Matt and Patrick (listed in alpha order, of course). You all are
incredible to the nth degree and you each have your own unique
personalities that make you perfect and absolutely irresistible!
Enough
of that. So, here's the 4-1-1 on each of them. Jason and John are
freshman in college, Matt and Patrick are seniors in high school, like
me. John and Matt are band geeks (love!). Pat's in chorus (and sings
wonderfully), Jason has his own category (lol, that's meant as a
compliment)Told John I liked him, he never gave me a reaction or
response to that (other the the occasional look and the way he talks to
me that really seems like he's saying "I like you, now do something
about it cause I sure as hell don't want to be the one to do something
about it"). Never tried, see a pattern forming yet? I see him once in a
while now. His sister's a good friend of mine. His younger brother
looks like his mini-me, and anytime I go anywhere in school, I turn a
corner and guess who I run into? What the hell kind of a reminder is
that? A really shitty one if you ask me. Haven't told Jason, don't
really intend to (why, who knows, not me that's for sure). I think he's
kind of one of those "If you ask me out I'm saying 'Hell ya!' cause
your that damn awesome." That's not a bad thing, just makes life
complicated. I only see him at work, he's usually supervising, meaning
he walks around a lot randomly talking to people. Matt lives the next
town over, I only see him at work too and here's the cherry on top, he
has a girlfriend. *ding! ding!* We have a winner! Not really. Dammit, I
guess all the good ones really
are already taken. Pat, he's in
my gym class. Sweet guy really. Very quiet, but I like that, I am too
(except for this blog. I have to make up for it some how ^ - ^). Now
that I think about it, they're all sweet, but he's super sweet. He's
funny and is a genuinely caring person. God, I hope none of them EVER
read this, that'd be so...um...awkward to deal with...or explain...
Now,
I have to figure out who, why, how....anything that could help me to
make some sense. I'm going to have to decide soon or I'll find guy
number five out there somewhere (please don't let that happen...)
oOMusicBabii
signing off. A girls gotta work, and I would call in to trade hours,
but it's the holidays and I have zero money right now. Peace out to my
readers (if I have any) and thanks for taking a moment to visit the
inner workings of my mind.
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